I was having lunch with a few of my seniors the other day, and for some reason, we touched on the topic of breaching of scholarship bonds. I cant rmb how we suddenly changed to this topic after mercilessly teasing Snr Jiaming for reasons I dare not disclose.

but anyway, one of the snrs (whose name shall not be revealed for identify protection purposes) told us about this GIC scholar who had been faithfully serving his bond and indeed earning a lot of money, but gave it all up to pursue his dream (what I cant rmb). so the age-old question arose yet again: Why do people break bonds? but now I think the question should be altered slightly to: Why do people NOT break bonds? and that snr said the reason so matter-of-factly he could have just been saying smth like "I have class at 3". but to put it simply: Money (so what's new?)

for quite some time, esp last semester, I keep wishing that I could strike in the $10million toto draw so that I could have money to break my bond, then there won't be a break in my studies (yes I do want to do masters etc) and I could just go straight into research, which is what I want to do, at least for now. so upon hearing that reason just come out of my snr's mouth... well I felt some sort of relief, almost as if this rebellious feeling against authority was somewhat justified, just because it was said by someone older than me and whom I respect a lot.

He mentioned something about breaking bonds to pursue our dreams, the 'lucky few' who get to do so, to bypass the torture and jump straight into what they're born to do, what they're destined to do, no matter how big or small the dream is. of course, I'm not saying that EVERYONE who takes up a scholarship wants to break their bond, just that... there are people who have to take up a scholarship just to finance themselves through university, so the bond is the price they have to pay lor.

as for me, even if I do have the money to break my bond, I dun think I will, cos my dream is to go into the academia field (ie research, YES Chinese literature CAN be researched on), and it doesnt make sense for me to break my bond just to go into research, bcos I think to go into the academic field, integrity is smth they look out for lor. therefore, alas, I do have to grit my teeth and bear with the 5 yrs of my bond to come. trust me, I am so not looking forward to it. but ah well, I'll just treat it like JC, another necessary evil, and hopefully I can still preserve the bit of sanity I have left at the end of the ordeal. not to mention still be able to remember all the university stuff after teaching secondary school students how to do 造句and the like, which they have no interest in doing and I have no interest in teaching/marking.

(sheesh they should be teaching them literature for heavens sake)

but I cant say that the temptation of having the money to break one's bond is not there (not so much for myself anyway, I've given up hope of ever breaking le, as much as I want to), how to say this... "buying freedom", as my snr put it. I wanted to laugh but couldn't.

(as if freedom is some merchandise that can be bought on the streets... or at least in the black market.)

raaa if any of u were intending to tell me that NTU has some 4 yr post graduate scholarship programme that will allow us to achieve a PhD after the 4 yrs, and that it is bond free... don't.

(I already know, I'm very gek about it and the last thing I need is to watch other people graduate with a PhD while I'm still desperately trying to serve out the final yr of my bond without going nuts.)

and we're off to Loyang tmr!! SHAOLIN TEMPLE OMG!!!

once again, not blogging for such a long time has resulted in my forgetting of my username, as I experimented with all the different variations of 孙行者:

sunxingzhe, xingzhesun, sun_xingzhe, xingzhe_sun etc etc etc.

the 2nd semester has started and I'm really happy to see the seniors again, tho' not as enthusiastic about turning 20 (effectively making me seem much much older than the rest of the gang). thankfully, I turned 20 secretly enough, here in Shanghai, and I don't think anyone, with the exception of my sweet kind PRC class chairperson, has noticed yet. but hey, it's just another day, and I don't feel 20/19/any other age for that matter.

have finally updated my Chinese blog. (probably just to commerate joining the "2-" age group)

and as last sem, just thought I should put up my timetable for this semester:

	一	二	三	四	五
1	留学生高级汉语	VB程序设计
2	Higher Chinese for foreign students	Visual Basic
3		佛教文化与文学	周作人散文精读
4		Buddhist culture and Chinese literature	Essays of Zhou Zuo Ren
5	唐诗与宋词		VB程序设计	留学生高级汉语
6	Tang and Song poetry		Visual Basic	Higher Chinese for foreign students
7	英美文学通论		京剧表演艺术
8	British and American literature		The art of Peking Opera
9	校园歌曲赏析和创作		战略管理		医学与法律
10	Song writing		Strategic Management		Medicine and Law
11

the English translations are just for good measure, and a good way to remind myself how much my English needs brushing up on. And probably, just probably, for the few readers of my blog who once knew how to read and converse in Mandarin but have, alas, forgotten how to along with securing a pass for the 'AO' level Chinese exam (or its equivalents).

not very hiong I would say, and I can have lunch with the yr 3 seniors every Tues and Wed (since the 3-4 lessons are yr 3 modules). this is of course, in a very... idealistic manner, or "theoretically speaking", as we're so fond of saying. but it is a very happy affair for me, and I will treasure every moment I can spend with them b4 they graduate. (aft which I'll probably follow in senior Zhen Yuan's footsteps and lock myself in my room everyday)

ah well, all in all, hope I can do well this semester, considering the dismal GPA I received last semester (no thx to computing). mm... and I hope to learn some 京剧actually, since it is, unless I'm very much mistaken, part of my module. tho' I would have to miss the first lesson cos I'll be going to watch a play with the others. raa.

and till next time (gdness knows when is that), ja ne.

I'm feeling so sian now I don't believe it.

the last few days in Shanghai saw me wanting desperately to just teleport myself back to Singapore instantly, but now that I AM back, all I've done so far is just eating medicine and sleeping. I seriously feel quite weak from this, tho' I suppose I should be grateful for Dr Shahi's medicine. at least it beats coughing half to death in dorm.

quite a fair bit has happened this sem I guess. well I've experienced what it feels like to not want to go back to dorm, and end up loitering around the campus at night.

I've ponned 高级汉语no less than 5 times, using the loss of my bicycle as an excuse not to go for Monday's 1-2blk lessons.

I've contemplated moving out of dorm about a million times, not just bcos of my slut of a roommate, but for a myraid of other reasons as well. these are usually the times when I really miss the Gang and Yq. I rmb that time when I had stuff stolen from my room (and yes I still think that slut was the culprit) yet I had no one to turn to for help. absolutely no one. yet it seemed perfectly right to me that there was no one around to help. (and itz not bcos everyone was helping out at Contact Singapore)

I've been irritated and frustrated more times this sem than 2 yrs in TJ put together. and that says a hell lot, as Jh can probably testify, if she's not in a lazy mood. I don't understand whatz wrong with being respectful of my seniors, to let them eat first, walk first, talk first, holding the door for them, doing stuff for them etc etc etc. I don't understand whatz wrong with being pissed off over having a whore for a rmmate. I don't understand whatz wrong with not wanting to go out, with not wanting to socialize, with being uncomfortable around people, with behaving properly in my role as a junior, with discussing about literature with a senior with the sole purpose of learning from him/her. I don't understand whatz wrong with randomly reciting a chapter I'm supposed to memorize to myself. I don't understand whatz wrong with walking instead of cycling. I don't understand whatz wrong with going for Linkin Park's concert alone. I don't understand whatz wrong with liking Linkin Park and Ukelele at the same time. I don't understand whatz the point of working so hard when computing is going to pull all my grades down anyway.

I don't understand a lot of things. I still don't.

so next sem, I'm going to 闭关. I'm sick and tired of all the people-people relationships. I need to study. I need to get my GPA back up because that fucking bastard lidaxue gave me a fucking D for computing. I need to get away from people because itz very painful to have to face suspected betrayal, because I hate being dependant on people, because itz tiring to have to try to smile when I just want to murder someone, because itz irritating to smile and tahan simply because the other party is a senior (oh the disadvantages of being the youngest), because itz frustrating to be suspected of intentionally withholding information, when I'm the sole person who really doesn't know what the hell is going on.

I want my As, my literature, my wushu, my figure skating and... my sanity.

next sem POWER-UP!! (as coined by Tze Hee)

我回来了。

I'm still recovering from the flu, but gang, letz arrange to go out some time k?

very short entry I know, but unfortunately, I'm still feeling very weak from the medication, not to mention trying to recover from the cold weather in China. man even Shanghai was snowing when I came back. thankfully, I made it back in time, cos apparently now all flights have been cancelled due to the snow. I'm pretty worried about snr Jiaming, who is probably still stuck in Yunnan trying to get back to Shanghai. believe me, itz CHAOS at the train stations. Kunying and I had to fly back to Shanghai from Taiyuan because it was absolutely CRAZY at the train station (not to mention extremely slippery).

Gang, I sincerely apologize for the long hiatus, but don't worry, I'm generally well and alive, and I've finally moved to a single room! ^^ yea FINALLY. that long-suffering slut finally decided to go back to America, tho' not without leaving tons of garbage behind as an erm. farewell gift. not to mention how she hid the air-con remote so that I couldn't find it. I suppose she decided to try to make me freeze to death, seeing that her mere pressence did not prove to be fatal to my person.

I wun be in Singapore for long, so Gang, we must must must must meet up k? really miss u all a hell lot! (I din manage to get presents for every one of us tho', thousand apologies for that!)

altho':
1) the concert only started at 8 instead of 730
2) the band that came on to sing at 8 wasnt Linkin Park but some irritating no class tiong band
3) that shamelessly sang for half an hour despite angry shouts of “滚！”、“滚下台！”and the like frm the audience (people even threw lightsticks at them)
4) the stage crew took another half hour just to clear off the above mentioned bastards' equipment and set up Linkin Park's (while us audience entertain ourselves by doing multiple kallang waves. -.-)
5) Linkin Park only finally came up to sing at 9 (read: N-I-N-E)
6) and only sang for slightly under one n a half hours
7) I nearly got killed on the bus on the way back to dorm (I will never eat sardines, having gone through what they do in the can)
8) I was the only law-abiding idiot who did NOT bring a camera
9) people did not BOTHER shouting for an encore (aft 3 miserable calls)
10) I nearly froze to death at Hongkou football stadium

Linkin Park's concert here in Shanghai was nonetheless a very exhilarating experience. the stage effects were pretty cool, with PROPER use of lighting, unlike the stupid tiong band that only knew how to turn on full voltage and blind every single person in the audience. n altho' Tze Hee n Jiaming tried to comfort me by suggesting the tiong band was there to get the atmosphere going, albeit doubtfully, trust me, Linkin Park is power enough to do that on their own.

personally, I still think itz a big terrible insult for a no standard shameless band to perform on the same stage as Linkin Park, and b4 them for that matter. INSULTING. HORRENDOUSLY INSULTING.

and speaking of atmosphere, omg Chester Bennington is DA MAN. he was so full of energy, prancing frm this end of the stage to the other, singing, screaming (now we all know how good Chester is at that ^^), thrashing himself around as if in a trance, as if he were a little boy imitating his favourite rock guitarist for the first time... omg he is so so so so so so so so so so so so cute!!!!!!

-Jx goes into teeny-booperish mode-

I claim Chester for my own. Jiajia you can have Mike. :P

and as I stood (no one was sitting down u c) there listening to Chester sing live, I realized that Linkin Park's soul music is really beautiful as well. but Mike's voice sounded about a 5th higher than what I hear on the CD. -.- oman it was really high hearing them sing, tho' I think it'll be even more high in Singapore or America, where audience are more appreciative and teeny-booperish. (so I hope the next Linkin Park concert I attend will be in Singapore)

"Shanghai is such a beautiful city... and the people are even more beautiful. (screams from audience)Thanks for making us feel so welcomed... I see your lightsticks, lighters, handphones... wadever. (audience laughs) They make up our beautiful universe..." then Chester started singing "Leave out all the Rest". like OMG. >(>.<)<

"We promise we won't take too long to come back. (boyish grin)" kyaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

and I think Mike is so fatherly! lolz the way he looks at the audience and smiles is like how a father will look at his young son, that sweet amused expression. ^^

"How's it going Shanghai? (indulgent smile)" ^^v

but Chester is just. Chester. a wild teen, not too old to be jaded, not too young to be mischievious, eyes shining with a mixture of rebellion and painful reminder of wounds long ago.

they're really polite people too. Mike and Chester (since they're the ones with mikes almost permanently) would keep saying "Thank you" to the screams and cheers following the conclusion of each song. (The way Chester says it is so kawaii.)

n I couldnt stop giggling randomly during 高级汉语yesterday. I am very very grateful that there were no MOE people sitting in for that lesson. they would have thought that Singapore students are cranky (considering how Tze Hee and Biao brought 2 giant backpacks and thick jackets in for class).

but yea Mike is so darn talented. the lyrics he writes go straight into the heart and soul. they arent particularly cheem or anything, just simple honest words that manage to portray the complexity of angst so wonderfully. so it only shows once again that good writings arent abt flowerly lang, itz about sincereity. oh man Mike is so inspirational. tho I think without Chester's singing the meaning of the words cant be portrayed that effectively. ^^

and I shall make it an effort to write more English so that I may one day be at least 1% as good. ^^

and dinner beckons, yet I havent started on my revision. OR my homework. demmit the computer is dem distracting, yet I have to do my homework on it. :(

"darn this is my first time speaking Chinese... 我..爱..你...们" 
"I would say that was a pretty good one Mike."
"Haha... yea."

and horray for projectors! (the close ups of Chester were really "kyaaaa!!!" (Jx apologizes for the lack of an appropriate word)).

support Linkin Park! say no to terrorism, global warming, wars and lousy shameless bands!

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是在食堂里，

两个“淑女”跟两个“俗女”

共同爱的鱼片面跟龙眼凉饮。

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是在学校Audi，

两个人认识十年的buddies

自编自导自high地大玩Matrix。

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是在第二美术室里，

十个人围着小小的计算机

偷偷看美国卡通剧。

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是在第二美术室，

十个人在考完试之余

讨论臭骂那不会做的试题。

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是在LEP room楼下的课室里，

听炜雄学长将享受人生的真理

和老婆一起谈对留学复旦的憧憬。

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是在上生物的LT，

听思敏同学告诉我们虾煮熟会变红的原因

是因为‘Hae’moglobin。

我能想到最美好的回忆，

就是大家分隔几地，

却给我力量重拾纸笔

为我们的青春传记。

作于2007年10月22日，宿舍房中

They never fail to leave me behind，所以我放慢脚步，忍受那庸俗不堪的人潮，缓缓行至望向北京市的方向，想起远在清华的姐妹；有点漫无目的似地绕着中层走，内心却希望能有个伴儿陪我一起走，没有庸俗的人们，只有我们和四周的美丽的上海夜景。黯然之下尽是惆怅。

我讨厌认发简讯把我的名字缩为“Eun”，因为这是由静仪发起的，美术党在书面上对我的专用称呼（也就是说，只有美术党有这么称呼我的权力。）

但也许我真正讨厌的，是美术党不在我身边的那种孤寂。毕竟，真正深深联系我们彼此的，不是科目、不是家庭、不是课外活动，而是我们十一颗炽热狂野的心呐！

我们是否都有着“须要被须要”的欲望，却总是像迷失的独木舟飘荡着找寻“接纳”的港口，然后一次又一次发现港口是给船只停泊的。最后才在第二美术室这偏僻的河岸发现疲惫的彼此，然后一起欣然靠岸？

如今，我们却又四散漂泊，入伍的入伍、出国的出国、上大学的上大学，各校各系各专业…是否你们也像我一样，在陌生之处搁浅？抑或荡荡悠悠地不知误入了谁家的水域？

总之，我最爱的美术党，我们或许分割两地，或临风洒泪、或对月长叹，却是情发一心啊！努力吧，那彷徨迷惘的岁月将会过去，让我们一起去浪迹天涯吧！（有钱的话就upgrade成旅行，若连流浪的经费也没有，就先去Teoheng唱KTV吧。）

--作于2007年9月23日，从东方明珠塔回宿舍途中

whee I can finally blog. ^^

Hi Nicholas! thx for dropping by! and yar to whoever bothers to read this, I'm in Shanghai now and I'm fine. ^^

Fudan has been great so far, and I really enjoy my lessons, tho' yar I'm ponning one now. :P apparently some typhoon is supposed to hit Shanghai like now (just now), and since the winds started to howl, I decided not to go for lesson, lest I get stuck at 三教 and cant come back. but then... after abt 1 n 1/2 hrs... the so called typhoon looks nothing more than a harmless drizzle to me.

"一声响，风来；二声响，云集；三声响，电闪雷鸣；四声响，雨至；五声响，云开雨收！"

I miss my Wukong. alotalotalotalotalot. :'(

staying in a double rm really really really sucks. I HATE STAYING IN A DOUBLE ROOM. my rm mate is american chinese. and ah. OMG. she can just walk around our rm without pants on leh! also ah I wash the toilet right, then 1/2 hr later, itz dirty again. thatz not the worst. she hor, 成日家带个男人回来，又搂又亲的，着实不成个体统。还有哦，跟那个男人穿着鞋子走来走去走来走去。WAH LAU 我擦到半死为了什么？I know I don't really curse nowadays, but seriously man, have some fucking courtesy and respect for others.

huh i come back frm lessons exhausted and come in to see my shoes in a mess again (cos she kicks her shoes off, and implicating mine in the process) and a man lying on her bed (thankfully not on mine or there will prob be bloodshed) and my precious floor has footprints all over, not to mention dusty. and her undergarments lying on her bed. WAH LAU HOW TO STRIKE LOTTERY LIKE THAT.

then hor then hor, she and that guy came back to dorm later than me just now. and she just took off her jeans liddat! omg in front of that guy somemore leh! WTF man! ahhhh 我这一辈子都不用中马票了。 -泪流成河-

paiseh Jx got agitated. but yea other than that, Fudan is a really great place (very scenic too), and the food here is not bad actually (not to mention dirt cheap, long live the canteen!) and most imptly, lessons ROCK. oh and of cos, we have such lovely awesome snrs who take very good care of us. ^^

on a scandalous note, my rm mate din come back to sleep the night b4. so I doubt she was in that man's rm doing... erm letz not jump to conclusions shall we.

if any of u want photos of our lovely campus, feel free to email me. ^^ and I really really really really want a single rm demmit.

If I understood Senior Jia Ming's little briefing on choosing modules correctly, then this timetable should be valid.

light blue: 专业课程 (for Chinese fac)
tan: 文理基础课
yellow: self explainatory. btw, 计算机 = computer.
light green: 综合教育课程. I happily excluded 大学英语, bcos I'm hoping I can be exempted frm it and take English modules (the 2 translation modules) instead.
blue: 通识教育核心课程. I'm not sure whether this shld be under the light green, and yea I might not take it... since there's one other 人文1类 module at that particular time slot... and Senior Jia Ming wants us to finish up those modules within yr 1. :(

I really wanted to take a PE module, since there's wushu, but unfortunately, due to the more "important" modules (ie the tan ones), not to mention the silly 留学生高级汉语 thing that is compulsory for all of us simply because Singapore's first language is ENGLISH, (wth and my mother tongue IS Chinese) I had to give it up so I could fit the translation modules in.

for some weird reason, even the Chinese Faculty has to take modules frm econs, management, law, politics and the like. thankfully they make up a very small portion of our total required credits. tho' I would be very grateful if we didn't have to take it, so I could take other, more interesting modules, such as forensic science, evolution of mankind and sustainable management of environmental resources. alas, alas, rules are rules, and I suppose the school has our best interests at heart.

ah well, according to Senior Jia Ming, we can apply for up to 32 credits (I think I have 31 up there), and the modules will be given/not given to us randomly by the school's computer. (now doesnt that remind u of the PAE/JAE system) he got 4 in his first yr I think. o.o so after that, all modules are thrown out and basically one gets his modules by grabbing them, like how Singaporeans do at the Great Singapore Sale and the like. itz a hectic, adrenaline pumping event, one that I sincerely hope my blood pressure and heart can handle. since it is after all, a 2 week long event.

and it suddenly dawns on me that my flight is next week. yet I havent got my visa, finished reading 四大名著, revised my HCL, got my allowance frm MOE, finished watching 走向共和 (which I borrowed frm Jh), or even started on packing my luggage! procrasinator. tsk.

To my beloved Art Gang (and all associates) and those I've informed of my flight, I'll be at the airport at 10pm tho' my senior said he'll do a mass check-in at 1130pm. yes bcos I know ur lessons have already started and I refuse to let any of you stay out into the dead of the night or wee hours of the morning.

I was really happy when Yao Quan said he'll try to make it down to the airport. it doesnt really matter anymore whether he can come eventually. because what matters most (to me) is that he wants to come, whether he can (or not) is secondary.

生我者父母，知我者耀全！It never fails to amaze me how he can read me like a book, even tho' we were only in the same class/cca for 3 mths. 知己. unfortunately, I cant read his mind like he can mine, but yea thx for being able to.

I was reading Chin Keat's blog just now, and to his worry that no one might see him off at the airport... well I certainly cant, since I'm flying off before him, as in when I think about whether anyone might see ME off (family excluded), Kia Chai's famous line came to my mind:

Don't know, don't care.

I will not blame anything on the unearthly hour at which my flight is taking off. or maybe I should put it this way, I never expected anyone to come see me off, save for my family. I don't know why I feel/think this way.

in fact, I only want the few special people close to my heart to come. meaning my parents, Siew Yee, Ah Yee, my cousins Jason, Natalie, Sean (who'll be at field camp), Cedric, cousin-in-law Frances, baby Christie, my beloved Art Gang (and all associates) and of cos, Yao Quan.

there is a tiny part of me that wishes a few of my students can come. Wei Te, Shi Han, Shi Min, Shi Jia, Li Lin, Qi Yan, Xin Ping, Pei Xin just to name a few. because I really miss them... once in a while.

I'm not sure whether blogdrive or wretch.cc can be accessed frm China... if they cant... this might be my last entry until... gdness knows when. so just to end off...

when my time comes
forget the wrong that I've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
don't resent me
when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

-from "Leave Out All The Rest" by Linkin Park (Minutes to Midnight)

oh. Linkin Park really rocks. and Minutes to Midnight is a great album. tho' I really want Meteora. of cos I do not mind Hybrid Theory and the other older albums. unfortunately I am hopelessly broke after we got ripped off at Kbox during Ivan's birthday. *hints* I suppose I can download, but then again in the rare event where I do find good music, I would want the originals. so yes, all of Ukelele's albums, Meteora and the Journey to the West soundtrack are high on my list. *HINTS*

so once again, farewell.

Jx is pissed off.

like majorly, totally, absolutely, extremely, completely PISSED OFF. I either have some seasonal affective disorder, which is written as SAD for short, like totally sad, pathetic sad. or I'm just having a very terrible bout of PMS.

so in all, I think the only class I havent scolded is my beloved 203. yes I even scolded my precious 303 today. like WOW, winner me.

I think it sux to have PMS right when the weather turns cold. cos it makes my shoulder and knee ache and my mood swings become more frequent and drastic. I like seriously cant wait for school to start, so that at least I'll be doing something meaningful with my life. or whatz left of it.

I must be some weirdo freak. The snrs were saying that I probably won't be interested in the really cheem part of the language syllabus, since itz like formulae, sentence structure and the like. besides, none of the snrs take it. They're all literature students. but hey hey guess what, after they told me that, I became more interested to major in language in addition to literature (yes I really want to double major in CHINESE language n literature), rather than become deterred by it. yar yar Jx lives up to the "cheena" part of her personality. like WOW.

ok been having a lot of induction stuff lately in addition to the rehearsals. and seriously right, I think one of the major reasons why I'm so pissed off with relief teaching now, is that it takes away precious interaction time with the other scholars, not to mention my family and my dearest Art Gang (and its associates). but yeah, the scholars are really really funky and cool. 95% of the time I spend with them, I spend it happily. the other 5% consists of me getting thru' yet another random mood swing or worrying about my girls' work. but yay I finally managed to finish marking everything I was supposed to mark! :D:D:D:D

I think I'm having some sort of OBS withdrawal syndrome, tho' lesser now. like when I just got back right, I spent a few days trying to come to terms with the absence of armies of ants on the floor or toilet wall. :S but yea somehow climbing high rope elements, hiking with n kg backpacks and kayaking for hours seem much more humane than marking substandard essays. (even Chinese B students from our batch can do better) so yar, bottom line is, I miss OBS.

and I'm dying to start learning Chinese. again.