OMGOSH. Kelly thx so much. thank u thank u thank u. Kelly is so nice k. it turns out that her internet not going to be disabled until next yr. so she downloaded midinotate for me n she's going to print the score out!!!!! omgosh. thx kelly. u noe when I saw Kelly sign in I was so happy I nearly cried. Kelly wad could I have done without u? thx so much. ai4 ni3 yi2 bei4 zi3. xie4 xie4 zhen1 de4 hen3 xie4 xie4 ni3. hugs. ^_^

For some reason I just feel empty all over again. no not hungry that kind of empty. emotional voidness. listening to Miss Saigon now. trying to do my chem hw. Iron. wth.

I swore to myself b4 that I wun allow myself to come here again. I've been thru' it once... I dun want to go back there again... those times of darkness... there wasnt any light at all... I tried so hard b4 I finally found the end of the seemingly never ending tunnel... I dun want to go back there again...

It took me so long b4 I could actually control my emotions n "settle down" in that sense. now I seem to be going "wild" all over again. y? does it really mean so much to me? wei4 shen3 me4 ni3 na4 me4 bu4 shou3 xin4 yong4? wei4 shen3 me4 yao4 yi1 er2 zai4, zai4 er2 san1 de4 pian4 wo3? wei4 shen3 me4 ni3 shuo1 hua4 bu4 suan4 hua4?

Why do u have to destroy my excitment n extinguish my flame of hope? n y am I so much affected by u? y do I trust pple so easily? y do pple betray my trust? maybe I shld learn to stop trusting... no one deserves it anyway... no one cares... yes I'm being very bei1 guan1 here. let me be. shut up n go away. I dun need anyone's help. not that anyone is going to offer any.

I can't believe it. I can't believe that NO ONE actually wanted to help me download midi notate so that I can print the brass quintet score. wth. I dun believe it. I really dun. maybe I'm still asleep n this a never ending nitemare. why did I EVER agree to arrange the brass quintet score. n midi notate is real screwed. the trial is over. serves me left right n centre for not coming online. now the song is incomplete. after I've tried so hard to copy the score out. y did I go n bathe. if I had perserved n finished the copying I wun be begging pple to help me download the software now. wad the shit.

I'm actually rotting online again. Finished my emaths which was surprisingly quite ez but that's just it. n I said I wanted to finish ALL my work by Monday which was yesterday. wth.

N my shoulder is giving me hell again. I am super pissed off. just got scolded by my mom over the brass quintet score. I asked her whether we could just buy the software anot. which costs $34.95 (US dollars thank u very much) n she scolded me. argh. where have all my lovely batchmates gone. y doesnt anyone try to help. ok fine maybe cos I haven't been online for quite a few days. n I've chosen a very weird time to come online. but I'm really freaking pissed.

N thinking of trg surprisingly doesnt make me feel less pissed. trg on sunday was really very nice. but I wun talk abt it now bcos I'm bloody pissed off.

Band posters due in on Saturday. does that signify the end of band break? I thought the schedule said band break ends on the 28th? or am I blind or smth. I am really enjoying my band break now. n for some reason I am NOT looking forward to going back for band prac. let me enjoy a few more days of peace also cannot isit. I dread going back to the stupid fighting cursing atmosphere of loud digusting noise (which I contribute to as well) back in sch. I dread waiting for the bus to sch. I dread facing my instrument. I dread seeing my batchmates. I dread facing Mr Oura who'll prob vomit blood when he hears my section play. I dread facing the blank faces of my jnrs. I dread trying to be nice to them n trying to get them to play properly during sectionals. I dread facing the brass quintet without the score. I dread having footdrills during dismissal n having my leg hurt so much when I bang. I dread just stoning arnd in the band rm while my batchmates talk to each other. I dread just sitting there doing nth trying to look like I'm involved in everything. I dread having siok teng n su can blocking me n I cant see Mr Oura. I dread Mr Oura scolding us for playing badly. I dread hearing bad music. I dread having my buzz stopping suddenly when I'm playing. I dread my lips hurting. I dread not being able to play during warmups. I dread having hui en going freaking fast for pieces like variants n the speed just kills the brass players. I dread not being to play well when bridget conducts. I dread having the feeling of guilt that I'm letting her down. I dread my batchmates telling me to stop fooling arnd. I dread facing my batchmates whom for some reason, I dun look forward to seeing. I really dread the end of band break. argh.

I'm still very pissed off. Someone please help me download midi notate n I'll send u the midi n u'll be nice enuf to help me print the score out. this is a last appeal. ok fine maybe I'm just being totally naive to think that anyone will help me. I'll download it on the sch com on saturday n print it. or I'll just have to work with the 5/8 of score I have at the moment. y do I still believe that pple will help. y the hell man. shall go eat dinner now. even tho' I'm not hungry. bye.

Hmm read Ling's blog just now. n Kit's n Feng Yi's n Joseph's n erm in fact everyone's la basically. hmm trying to copy the cun zai score out now. is it cun2 zai4 or chun2 zai4. bah wad's the dictionary for. I dun care. lazy to take it down to check. I'll find out some day. bah.

Ling wrote a lot la... of her talking to winnie the pooh... after reading all the "questions" that she posed... I kinda thought a lot abt it too... being in this 1st world country (we'r 1st world country rite? or maybe itz 2nd. who cares) we've kinda forgotten the very little things that bring us joy... probably cos they'r there all the time n we take them for granted... like being healthy, having a roof over our heads, having food to eat, clothes to wear, chance to study, electricity, water, having a family that loves u, being able to walk n talk n hear n see... we take all these for granted dun we. I mean just look at the way we eat. look at my jnrs.
me: eh dun waste food leh.
sec 2s: very full liao. really cant finish.
then they go take out smth else to eat. cant finish wad. very full wad. I was very disgusted I'm telling u. the only thing I din eat was the cucumber n the chicken skin. k I admit I dun dare to eat cucumber. cucumber phobia. many yrs ago I ate one n there was a dead fly on it n I nearly ate the fly as well. phobia. but honestly I hate it when pple dun finish their food. or at least 80% of wad's on their plate. the remaining 20% shld be visible fats n bones I guess.

Makes me think of all the lovely places in Singapore that we once had. the old Chinatown, the National Library, the Hougang n Yio Chu Kang from my childhood, the old building of my primary sch etc. huh one minute the government say must preserve our national heritage. n the next minute, or rather at the same time, they'r like tearing buildings from our heritage to make way for new ones. like now they'r planning to tear down Ang Mo Kio rite? wad abt the little shops there? old so wad. do they know those places hold so many beautiful memories for a lot of pple? no they don't. they dun care. they want to make money wad. wad preserve our national heritage. ur the ones who started this whole thing n yet ur tearing down almost everything of our national heritage. wad's ur fucking problem. social studies la. wad's the pt of taking social studies when ur removing the things that foster that sense of belonging. u r all fucking bastards. I dun care if u assholes find this blog. I dun care if ur reading this. u ought to know. U OUGHT TO KNOW HOW THE PEOPLE REALLY FEEL. WE DIN VOTE FOR U TO LEAD US TO SEE U TEAR DOWN THE PLACES WE LOVE OK. WHO CARES ABT TOURISTS. WAD TOURISTS WANT TO SEE IS SMTH EXOTIC SPECIAL TO OUR COUNTRY ONLY. NOT SOME SHIT HIGH RISE BUILDINGS. THEY WANT TO SEE THOSE CAN STAY IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY. u fucking bastards dun know a thing. u think ur so great? listen to this. UR NOT OK. u have no right to tear down these buildings. so wad if u own the land. u dun own the people ok. u dun own the hardship, the sweat, the tears n blood they put in to come this far.

Makes me wonder why people migrate. maybe cos there's nth left here for them to hold on to. if even the places holding their memories are gone, wad's the pt of staying? might as well go to some place where new memories can be created, N remain engraved in time. y not?

Huh charity shows. yes they'r gd. can raise money. then u go organize some wad star awards shit. n the money goes into ur own pocket. y not use this money from the calls for charity? whether or not itz for charity, pple r still going to call anyway. so y not use it for a gd cause? still say wad the people's voice matters. people write in to request for the preservation of the National Library. in the end? itz still going to be torn down rite. wad's the pt wad's the pt. there's no pt at all. the government won't listen anyway. wad they'r concerned abt is their own pockets. the money that is going to come in. huh or rather the "face" problem. mian4 zi3 wen4 ti2. we get so many foreign atheletes to play for us for wad? local atheletes not gd enuf meh. look at our table tennis team n our swim team. look at the diff in nationality. wth. our local players are much better ok. y waste money in this kind of "investments". we have many local talents k. wad's with the foreign talents thing. there r already not enuf jobs for locals ok. we dun need extra pple to come fight for jobs here. n y r they the ones getting the jobs. huh y r they held in such high esteem. when locals go overseas to be the "foreign talents", we get looked down upon. pple see us as shit. then y do we still look up to those so called better ang mohs. wad's the pt. u see them the cow dung as gold, pple see us the gold as cow dung. wad's the pt.

I dun want to stay in Marine Parade anymore. PM's land so wad. look at the kind of shit standard we have here. huh workers whole day come n dig up the road to do dunno wad shit. yr in yr out itz liddat. look at our lovely cc. the roof design is so fabulous the rain was just pour in like a waterfall n we cant train on the courts anymore. pple dun noe how to drive, pple anyhow walk super slowly n in all directions (ie cant walk str). give me a place with more standard can? even the land with opposition is more "competitive" in a sense n at least there's warmth. there's no warmth here. so wad if there's east coast park. so wad if we have the sea here to regulate the temperature. there's no warmth. smtimes it gets so freaking cold... wad's the pt.

Smtimes the world seems so ugly... too ugly... sports arent proper anymore... n I'm not talking abt drugs. the spirit just seems so different. look at silat. our oppenents just dun want to fight proper la. martial arts is abt facing ur opponent n putting in a gd fight. not kick then run away. wad kind of fighting is that? y arent pple having babies? cos there's no pt. wad for bring them into this ugly world to suffer? y are there pple starving to death everyday n at the same time pple giving dogs the best they can. dog clothes, dog food, dog "necessities". gou2 zui2 li2 tu3 bu4 chu1 xiang4 ya2. gou3 nu2 cai. all of them. y r we killing so many wild animals n plants. the world belonged to them until we took over. Mother Nature gave us her best gift, her children. y r we killing them. y do we think that we're so dem smart we can exploit the earth n her resources. y do we think "itz ok this might bring problems but we can handle it. no sweat. xiao3 shi4 yi4 zhuang1" then the hole in the ozone is getting bigger n bigger n the polar ice caps r still melting n the animals r still facing extinction n the poor r still starving n dying n the environment is still getting more n more polluted n yet the buildings n wadnot r still coming. WHY IS THAT SO.

Come to think of it, is advancing in technology really so gd? is earning more n more money all there is to life now? the world used to be a beautiful place. but it is ugly now. n is still getting uglier. technology has made life better for us. has it?

Kz went back for trg on sunday. man I was so out of trg (2 wks) n I realized I couldnt do a lot of stuff. din have the strength. man must go do conditioning liao. after I control my desire to eat. which is erbhz not very successful at the moment. stupid char n chal din come for trg!!! argh. but lao shi came!!!! yay. ^_^ lalala.

My sword routine has erm once again deproved by quite a lot. but it feels so gd to train again. really gd. man I don't mind going for trg everyday. hmm but no way am I going to face wang lao shi at tampines cc where my other snrs train. nononono. no way. he's a slave driver. no thank u. man was I glad to go for trg. cos there was some wad senior citizens karaoke cum dinner thingie right below my house. as in the badminton court below my flat. n yes I could hear them loud n clear even tho' I'm 14 storeys up. wth. they started singing at 630 pm n only stopped like wad 1030pm? wth. n they were so bloody out of tune. n when I got home from trg I kenna chased by those 2 idiotic dogs again? san1 jing1 ban4 ye4 liu4 she3 me4 gou3? tmd. curse u. then my dad got pretty pissed off bcos I'm supposed to know martial arts n I'm scared of 2 little dogs? eh itz tian1 sheng1 pa4 gou3 ok. then nearly died of heart attack. my gosh. so much for self defence. eww.

then the star awards thing ah. Vincent Ng din get into top 10!!!!!! wth. then gurmit singh got in. I mean wth he's from channel 5 la. get back to channel 5 man. ok maybe his dad died 2 wks ago which is real sad but that's no reason to give him the award rite. wad is this charity? then that b**ch syphyllis quek n michelle scram got in as well? come on lor n that syphyllis quek still said wad she's very hard working blah blah dunno wad shit. does she noe the meaning of ke4 ku3 nai4 lao2 a not? look at pple like chen hui hui. does she noe a not? yong4 ci2 bu2 dang4. n that michelle scram ah. wah biang I din want to hear her talk cok man. I went toilet. wth. f*cking b**ch. k I shall not curse. but xie shao guang got best actor!! omgosh he's dem gd la. I saw him b4 near my house. n patricia mok n mark lee also. yay. n chen liping also got best actress n y din she get top 10? huh? wah biang this type must be they go pay pple money ask them to call their number. or who noes wad they did in order to get the award they din deserve.

Ok on a lighter note, SEA Games!!!! yay. JOSCELIN YEO!!!! omgosh she's dem dem gd la. yesterday me n my parents watched her swim n we all got very excited. n mark chay n GARY TAN!!! omgosh. n christel bourvon is also very gd. my gdness the relay was fantastic. singapore swimmers rock totally. believe me. please go watch the updates on everyday at 11pm channel 5. just need to watch the swimming. hehz. ^_^.

Ok back after erm a few days of not blogging. I'm getting lazy. ok fine wadever. Hotmail is still blo**y screwed. I HATE IT. tmd. hmm hmm. k shall start with Inunion.

Me n Priest were the grp leaders of our grp. wah weird pair I shld say. ok fine we were in the same react grp this yr as well. n erm for react we just walked next to each other in silence. Inunion was better. seeing me scream at all the station mistresses trying to bribe them. ahaha. Ok this yr's theme was fruits. yes lovely fruits. we had to play games USING the fruits. demmit. then my lovely grp was called LYCHEE. n ling drew nice beautiful erm "lychees" on our arms n insisted we called them lychees. wah then ching come up n ask us "Eh wad's ur grp? Peach ah?" n dunno who else "is ur grp apple?" then priest said "woah lovely cherries we have on our arms." jian3 zhi2 shi4 TAI4 BANG4 LE4. Ling I love u sia. hoho demmit.

So in the end I came up with this super disgusting cheer that Priest had no choice but to accept since we were very desparate already. listen to this man. u'll puke. we pair up la. so itz me n Priest 1st pair, Karen n Yuh Ying 2nd pair, then Han xin n Emaline (shit how to spell) 3rd pair. ok. here goes. *takes deep breath*
1st pair: Is it an APPLE?
2nd pair: Is it a CHERRY?
3rd pair: Is it a PEACH?
All: NO! ITZ A... LYCHEE!!
yes go ahead n puke now all of u. eh itz original k. 1st station we had to get Hui en. who made us SHAMPOO OUR HAIR. with the shukubusu (shit my spelling) soap. which reminded me of react. hehz. sniffs my react entry is still on my old blog n the archives r bl***y screwed. then Hui en still made us do a shampoo advertisement? so we did the herbal essences one. yar forced yuh ying to do it. then the sec 2s do sound effects. yuck. totally gross. but it was dem funny. n hui en looked like she wanted to die. argh.

Then for Ling's station. my gosh I love Ling I'm telling u. we were up against Charis' grp. then we were late. so we cheered our stupid lychee cheer. then ling said she hated it. then we listened to Charis' grp's cheer. wah biang listen to it: Lee Ying Lee Ying ur the BEST! Lee Ying Lee Ying beats the REST! smth liddat. wah lau I was like "EH HOW CAN LIDDAT?!? BRIBERY!!!" then Ling told me to shut up. :(

Hmmhmm Ching's station was the funnest I guess. the newspaper one. we erm modified Joseph's "dem shuai4" cheer to "dem choi1". guess wad. Ching din like it! argh. eh itz a cool cheer ok. but the fighting on the newspaper was a bit erpz. considering that Kit's grp was so dumb (sry kit). first san lee got so excited she stepped off the newspaper to hit han xin. then kit lost balance, hopped twice n hopped off the newspaper. then min min stepped off the newspaper as well. I love u kit. hehz.

Then Yi Qing's station was some captain papaya thing. as in we play captain's ball with papaya. sh*t. then poor Karen, as the captain, kenna splattered all over by the papaya. hehz. then the whole place erm stank of papaya so much I nearly threw up. eek. then that stupid g*h le* k*a* ah. my gosh I thought she died somewhere liao. why couldnt she be transported to some ulu offshore island n tied to the bottom of a kelong? or get sucked to the centre of the earth n stay there? my gosh wad is her f*cking problem. we never said we were going to leave papaya n watermelon remains all over the sch rite. shit her. in the end we buried some of the pieces in the mud n kicked the rest into the drain. sh*t her. in the end we only had a little little bit of time to play water bombs. CURSE HER. I wish she's dead. yes I'm being very evil cursing pple but believe me she deserves it man. argh. I shall not elaborate or I'll die of a heart attack. CURSE HER CURSE HER CURSE HER.

Then after water bombing our whole batch stayed back to sing all the Inunion songs, as in Me n You (sec 1), Top of the World (sec 2) n I can't Smile Without u (sec 3) very very nice. man brings back many nice memories... then we practised batch dance erm very hastily. n very messily in a way. but it was so nice so nice so nice. :)

Then went with xh, kelly, yh n min yen to bathe in the ahem ahem toilet. yep. man u won't believe how clean it is man. really clean. erm no sacrasm intended. my gosh bathing makes pple look fatter. k shall not elaborate. *shudders*
Had section lunch after that... dunno la... section meals seem so sian now. not like my sec 1 section meals... those were really fun... now my sec 2s just talk to each other while I eat quietly... really miss my snrs... a lot a lot. n I wish SOME pple will just STOP saying I crush June Joo. COS I DON'T. wth. pissifying.

Then after band prac, stoned in the band rm listening to the trumpets talk... as in charis, constance n qq. yar. then I just stoned completely feeling very sleepy n drained. then the concert... man I screwed it up completely. I was like shivering a bit... had no energy to buzz properly... my hand bcame pretty numb n I couldnt really press the keys down completely, which made my playing sound even worse. n I screwed up nearly all my solos... esp for beauty n the beast... guess I was really freaking tired after merry widow. too energetic liao that piece.

Erm the batch items... flag n baton was surprising very nice. considering their playing was ahem ahem. yar very proud of u batons. :) then sec 2s' skit was quite funny. of cos the funny part couldnt match up to our batch skit. hehz. but san lee was soo funny!!! oh my gosh. then mr oura kept laughing. :D yay. but the lighting was a bit erpz. the transition wasnt really smooth. but jasmine chua was so cute as pck. just that the mole kept falling off n she was like "eh wait ah" n kept taking out new cocoa crunch to stick onto her face until she gave up. hehz. so cute. but our batch dance ah. ahem ahem. we went up trying to look cool. n I think the audience really thought we were going to do hip hop or smth. until we started dancing. hehz. there was momentary silence b4 the audience started laughing like mad. esp for the giving rose part. omgosh. hehz. but I did one or 2 parts wrongly la. 1st part was my own mistake, then 2nd part cos I was following ling n she did wrongly. haha. wad the crap. then finale song... after the music stopped our batch still did the rit n fp. like this:
I just can't smillllleeeeee withoooouuttttt.... YouuUUUUUUUU erm the fp went out of tune in the end but Mr Oura kept smiling n laughing! yes! so happy to see him smile at the fp cres. hehz. :)

Band break liao. din go for section dinner. expected actually. band break. nice long break. cant get into mugging mood. feel so sian doing holiday homework. I want to study. not do a bunch of shit homework. wth.

SHIT HOTMAIL I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U. HUH hao3 huai4 bu4 huai4 pian1 pian1 zhe4 ge4 shi2 hou4 huai4?!?! tmd. HELLO I'M TRYING TO EMAIL SMTH IMPT HERE?!?!?!? WAD USER FRIENDLY WAD SHIT. HUHHUHHUHHUH. CURSE U ALL. HUH WHOLE DAY SEND SOME STUPID EMAIL TELLING ME TO UPGRADE TO WAD MORE STORAGE. HUH STUPID MSN ASK ME TO UPGRADE I UPGRADE IN THE END WAD HAPPEN? THE SUPPOSEDLY "UPGRADE" ONLY LETS MY COM HAVE SOME PORNO WEBSITE N ONLINE GAMBLING LINKS POP UP ALL THE TIME ONLY WAD. UPGRADE LA UPGRADE LA. SHIT U. CURSE U TILL THE END OF TIME. I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U. *pants*

I am f*cking pissed at this pt of time. Havent felt so pissed for a very long time. ok not really totally pissed, itz more of frustration. a hell lot of frustration. itz the kind of frustration that makes me want to kill someone. n my mom is yelling at me to do my theory hw. well guess wad? I DUN WANT TO DO IT N I WON'T. SO THERE. wad the shit. HELLO?!?!? I'm pek chek enuf as it is. I dun need u to yi4 zhi2 zai4 wo3 er3 bian1 nian4 ge4 bu4 ting2. huh I use online blogs (both private n public) so that U CAN'T SEE IT DAMN IT. HUH THEN WHOLE DAY COME N PEEP OVER MY SHOULDER TO SEE WAD I WRITE. THEN WHEN I CLOSE THE WINDOW THEN U SAY U WUN READ. WAD THE HELL IS THIS MAN. I HATE IT OK. I REALLY HATE IT. WHERE'S MY PRIVACY MAN. WAD KIND OF DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY R WE LIVING IN HUH? BLOODY SHIT.

I DUN need u to come n tell me how to live my life. I KNOW WAD I WANT. FOR HEAVENS SAKE JUST GIVE ME SOME CHANCE TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS CAN? IF U CUD HAVE DONE IT AT UR AGE, I DUN SEE WHY I CAN'T. say wad I'm isolating myself from my family. WAD THE HELL. if i'm isolating myself from my family I wud have packed my bags n go stay in school for good. IF I WANT TO GO FOR TRG I WILL. DUN COME N GIVE SOME SHIT EXCUSE THAT I'M INJURED THUS I MUSN'T GO FOR TRG. PLEASE LA.

I'm really very pissed now. I shall go to sleep. no wonder I've been feeling much worse than I usually am. if I'm so worked up I cant practise qigong properly. ok fine wadever. also, if I want to learn n practise qigong, itz my own bizz. itz NONE OF UR BIZZ. SO STOP MAKING SARCASTIC REMARKS. WHY DO U THINK I KEEP FINDING EXCUSES TO STAY IN SCHOOL LONGER? ITZ BCOS I DUN WANT TO COME HOME TO THIS LIFE OF NAGGING N NTH ELSE.

wad the hell.

Wah lau curse hotmail la. I HATE IT. wth. like I'm trying to email my snr abt Inunion n the STUPID THING KEPT TELLING ME THERE'S AN ERROR?!?!?!? wad the shit. curse them.

N now my dad is watching the wad jing1 tian1 shui2 hui4 ying2. stupid show. n there's this idiotic kid singing some retarded song. turns out it was wad? mei3 li4 xing1 shi4 jie4. WAH BIANG that stupid kid sing got NO TUNE AT ALL WAD.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. yes I'm super bloody pissed off by idiotic hotmail now. WAD THE HELL CHOOSE TO DIE ON ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO SEND AN IMPT EMAIL?!?!?!? WAD THE HELL.

n now my back n shoulder decided to start aching again. it always does when I'm bl***y pissed off. wad the hell. trg this sunday I think I'll just go there n die la. havent trained for 2 wks? n I din even do my usual conditioning. too lazy. I bet if lao shi goes back he'll kill me. ok fine he wun. he usually doesnt say anything. makes me even more guilty. if wei yi shi xiong goes he wun say anything cos he's pretty slack himself. if jia liang shi xiong goes he'll probably make a lot of noise. he's pretty strict. yep. I guess my sword improved a little bit under him. but I guess I'm lousy once again. ARGH.

Man was freaking tired today. n I was very pissed with my sec 2s. wah biang their playing ah. is it bcos I'm too nice liao that's y they'r I dunno slacking a bit? they havent even packed concert files? wad the hell. n I'm not going for band prac tmr la. cos itz been postponed to the morning. wth. if they still havent packed by tmr n we get fined, I'll TRASH THEM. wah biang I strain so hard to play as loud as possible for wad? I play until my diaphragm cramp for wad? I play until I blank out for wad? WAD'S THE DAMN PT. scared of making mistakes then can dun play is it? Wad kind of shit attitude is that? the only time I said "no" to a snr's request was when Sarah wanted me to play the string bass score for foster in my mind last yr. now they can even bargain with me? WAD THE HELL IS THIS MAN. I've been like quite an independent player since sec 1? u dun see me asking Iris or Sarah to play with me for Inunion in sec 1 just bcos I'm "scared of making mistakes" rite. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. CURSES.

N I STILL HATE HOTMAIL. if itz not for msn I'll switch to yahoo. not that msn is that wonderful. just that all my contacts use msn. wth.

Hmm hope the time zone is correct now. ok wadever. who cares. hmm. read Joseph's blog just now. I guess itz kinda true la... how pple now dun really appreciate wad they have now... hmm pple seem to be in a reflective mood now...

I guess here in Singapore, where everything is so prosperous, in a way, we tend to take things for granted... having a tv, a computer, a handphone etcetc... I mean... even I cant imagine life without a computer for instance. We see students selling flags in the street n we siam until dunno where... we sell flags also just bao4 zhe4 yi4 zhong3 "aiya I want to finish this n get over it as soon as possible" attitude. like today, when me n my mom going parkway, kenna lan2 zhu4 by a lot of pple selling some dunno wad tickets la. n one of them, this guy, he was selling n SMOKING at the same time la. but honestly the way those pple sell tickets. si3 chan2 lan4 da3. ning4 ke3 sha1 cuo4 bu4 ke3 fang4 guo4. as in... it gets kinda irritating... esp when they come up to u n flap a booklet of tix in ur face.

Ok i started this entry like 2 hrs ago? n I've only written the 1st 2 paras? wth. k really no mood to write now I guess... just wanna say time really flies... I kinda regret not appreciating wad i had in the past... like now... itz only when Kelly gone for work ex so long that I really miss her... as in I really feel her absence la... can only see her on saturday? like see the sec 1s flag n baton then really miss my baton? n the snrs... see the sec 2s skit miss doing lighting... like now so fast I'm going to be sec 4 soon? one more yr left in sec sch... makes me wanna cry... like cadenza is next yr... n I was still like lamenting on wad a pity rg n ri backed out of outdoor scene? like y am I not treasuring the last cadenza I'll be having? y am I feeling wan3 xi1 for smth that wun happen?

Y am I only starting to appreciate sch now? y din I start treasuring wad I have in sec sch until now? ok I started treasuring the band since sec 1, but is it enuf? like I'll be leaving the band like in abt 7 more mths or so... then 2 more yrs in band in JC n that's it. there'll be nth left... only a memory... I'll miss my Donnie next yr when I leave the band... I'll miss my mouthpiece, which has followed me since sec 1? I'll miss my section area... n like now 3 posters fell off n I still havent done anything abt it? ARGH. can I BUY my mouthpiece, which is pretty old now, so that it can stay with me forever? pleeeeease qms? I really love my mouthpiece too much to let it go... like usually when the others upgrade instru their mouthpieces will change or smth... well i dun. from xiao ji li (e flat) to xiao 136 (b flat) to donnie (b flat) now, I've always been using the same mouthpiece...

Time really flies... 15 yrs have passed... my 16th birthday is in erm 4 mths time? 16... that's so old la... it seems like only yesterday I was like erm 9? but then at the same time, primary sch seems so far away... even further away than kindergarden? it seems like a long time since I started wushu... even tho' itz only been abt 3 yrs or so... it seems very long liao... almost as if I've been trg all my life... piano geng4 bu2 yong4 jiang3... music has always been part of my life... n it'll always be... I'll miss the band alot alot... I dun miss choir. not at all... but I'll miss the band... so wad if I'm not gd at sports? how can I have forgotten I still have my music? sports is anyone's game I guess... apart from sports geeks like me n my dad... but music... I mean honestly la... how many in this world actually have music in their hearts? with music, the world seems so beautiful... really beautiful...

K shall go sleep now. itz 1230am? freak. there's still band prac tmr. argh. that makes it only 4 n a 1/2 hrs of sleep? wth.

Today's Band Prac was really cool. honestly. but at first Mr Oura seemed quite pissed with us. eeks. we did Beauty n the Beast today. n he got pissed with the beginning part la. arnd there. even bass players also kenna scolded. haish.

Then he drank the water we got for him. man when he picked up the bottle the label fell off? so spastaded. then it took him some time b4 he managed to open it. man his expression was dem funny when he drank the water. it was a kind of "eww what is this" expression. hehz. then he told us "orh... indonesian water..." then he made he made the kind of "eh?" face. so funny!! yup then the tension kinda broke la. n Mr Oura was in a gd mood. :D

Beauty n the Beast went relatively smoothly after that, apart from my section getting scolded for playing too loud at "Beauty n the Beast", the horn solo part. then he was like "TUBAS! u play so loud for wad? do u know who plays the melody here a not?!?" then I was like "Horn." but he din hear!! then he said we dunno who's playing the melody. I KNOW OK!!! IT WAS A FRENCH HORN SOLO!!! yuan1 wang4 ah4!!! haish. I think that was the 1st time in dunno how long we got scolded for playing too loud? hehz. I like Charis' solo!!! ok fine itz only 2 bars, but itz so nice!!! ok Xiao Han ur solo was nice too. :D I also got "solo" yar wad itz marked on the score: "one player only". hehz. ok fine. nvm.

Oh yar then halfway thru' the piece rite, all of a sudden Mr Oura started singing? guess wad he sang man. u know the song is supposed to be "Tale as old as time, Song as old as rhyme, Beauty n the Beast" yep. then Mr Oura sang: "Beauty and me...." OMGOSH HE IS SO DEM CUTE. but I couldnt really hear from the back. it sounded like "Beauty n 'd'" then stop. so it turned out it was "Beauty n ME" OH MY GDNESS.

Lalala. then did Merry Widow... I screwed it up la. was very tired after trying to play loud enuf to be heard for Beauty n the Beast. argh. then my hand kept shivering. wth. but I guess this means I'm trying hard enuf. too hard in fact. usually when I overstrain I'll just blank out for a while n my hand will start shaking. ok fine that was in sec 2. k fine nvm. omgosh I cant play at figure 16 la. the perc soli. wah biang Mr Oura wants the string bass part to be played? n itz pizzicato? on a tuba? then after band prac I went to ask him how he wants it to be played. so now I more or less know how I'm going to play it properly la. just hope that for Inunion I wun blow n only air comes out. no note. that's been happening to me recently. sigh must go train my diaphragm. sit ups! ok fine out of pt. hmm maybe itz cos I'm using my strength wrongly... that's y I keep mispitching during Merry Widow... hmm. maybe I shld focus my strength more on arnd my lips n my diaphragm. *nods*

After band prac watched the sec 2s' skit. omgdness itz so freaking funny. the expressions on the sec 2s' face was really very comical. hmm but maybe they shld try to say their lines without laughing. ok I shall not elaborate on their skit... if u want to know wad their skit is like u'll have to wait till Inunion. :D

Then watched the sec 1s' flag n baton. I guess they improved quite a bit la. but of cos there's still rm from improvement.

Finally our batch dance! hehz itz really very very cute. I'm serious! yar basically it was just Ling n Ching doing in front n we just follow. wah biang I cant believe we actually managed to catch it so quickly. hahaha. then after we did it abt once or twice, all of us were just roaring with laughter. then me n xiao han were rolling on the floor cos we couldnt stop laughing. man. so loser. rolling on the floor. how undignified. I think the only real risk our dance possesses is not that we'll forget the steps. u just need to follow the others. hehz. the real danger is that we'll be so bz laughing we cant dance at all. man. haha. ya1 zhou4 hao3 xi4. check it out. woohoo I just love our batch dance. n we only started learning it today? hehz so proud of us. keep it up pple! :)