I was trying to be good n hardworking when I took out my physics. then I just flipped when I saw the paper. itz this thick stack of ws. n I cant even do a single qns. one whole year of physics. wad was I doing in class man. I pay attention too u noe. ok fine not all the time but at least most of the time. n now exams r over, I can only remember that F=ma. n 'O's r next yr wad. wth. I go tuition physics for wad man. I cant even remember anything. huh see pple like kit n jermz getting A1s like nth liddat. then pple like me struggling to pass n celebrated just bcos i passed my physics. C6 isnt smth to be proud of. screw physics.

Today's band prac wasnt very gd. basically I just screwed up everything. I couldnt even play variants. I just screwed all the high notes. the only thing I could play was nabucco cos I was playing lower register. I dun wanna play higher register. I just screw up all the high notes n itz killing my lipping. wth. I couldnt even play celtic today. wad the sh*t.

But I finally realize that even tho' we dun really talk n we're not close, u'r still there for me. I was really touched when u took my hand n offered to help. I really was. but then there's my s*r who still doesnt believe in me n thinks n me giving a*ds is totally irrelevant. since u entrust the s*****n to me u shld believe me rite. i noe wad i'm doing u know. if i could handle everything alone for 3 yrs without anything happening to me, wad makes u think i cant handle the last yr? all u care is ur d******. u dun care abt me n how i feel. n now i can't even give a*ds bcos u had to tell my batchmate to tell me not to do so. y couldnt u have told me personally? y need to send a msg thru' someone else? am i really so incapable in ur eyes? i may not be the best s*r or pl***r, but i still have strong values. i still noe wad's gd for the s*****n. just trust me. if u din trust me in the 1st place, i rather not be the **. there's no pt wad. dun give me the excuse that i cant cope. u noe perfectly well i can. if u think i'm not capable, tell me to my face. i rather noe the truth then continue being kept in the dark abt everything. 2004 is coming. i know wad i'm doing. stop giving me crap. i've had enuf.

y do i always come online to rot? i have no reason to be here. the power of the computer... i just come n turn it on rather erm instinctively. argh.

just rotting my life away on the internet. i can't believe it.

sch is starting soon... sec 4 life. my last yr in sec sch... y does time pass so quickly when ur having fun? not that i'm having fun now. wad with all that physics to do... n chinese bk review... up till now still havent bought the bk the sch wants (there's a whole list to choose from). all the bks the sch "chose" for us r pretty boring. want to do my own bk... then scared teacher wun accept. argh. heck. the teacher can take it or leave it. want us to do still set restrictions. wth. argh. still must do mini proj on it. currently debating whether to do 23:59 or Frivolous Days... argh.

Shall continue mugging chem. bye.

koped this off kenneth's blog. haha.


You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

got back from trg some time ago. trg today was pretty screwed up cos my ankle was hurting again. now my mom is trying to get me to go for accupuncture. argh. no way.

tuition today was pretty high as well. but this time itz Alison's fault not mine. haha. how crazy can we get man.

well chal got in chinese high as he hoped for. n he kenna dragged into gymnastics. man u shld have seen his face. n he really doesnt look like sec 1. he still looks like the pri 3 chal. haha. then we got pretty excited too. k nvm. the statements dun really link. forget it.

havent touched my physics at all. die. havent done chinese bk review. die. havent studied chem. die. argh. how am i going to survive sec 4 man.

listening to oregon now. nice song.

aching all over again. argh. trying to crack my back. k nvm. i'm just talking nonsense here. nvm. shall go do smth else. bye.

I dun believe it. pple putting "hate tags" on my blog again. yin1 hun2 bu2 san4. not that I care. hmm.

Tuition today was extremely "high". met Kenneth on the way there. actually I din recognize him at that time. haha. then tuition today me n Alison just went crazy n we kept laughing n laughing during Chem until the whole class was roaring with laughter. esp the part abt the leather thing n how prada uses lizard skin? then Alison said the reason y prada stuff is so ex is bcos u need a lot of lizards. k so she meant household lizard. so I said that the pple must be really eng2 to stand at walls n ambush lizards. nvm. then I told her the most impt factor is that (since Mr Yee said they breed lizards) itz very hard to skin a tiny lizard. then I guess I said that pretty loudly, so the whole class just started laughing. haha. never felt so high for quite long liao.

Trg tmr!! yay. but I forgot almost everything in chang2 quan2 already. eeks. hope lao shi doesnt kill me. oh yar. dreamt of Wan Yi n Ren Jie yesterday. dreamt that they came for trg n Wan Yi could do cartwheels n backflips very quickly. n Ren Jie could jump like 1 metre up? yikes. how scary.

well. let's hope I've finally got the time zone rite. crap. k. Christmas eve today. erm. Christmas tmr. erm. erm. Merry Christmas? bah. my cousin gave me a notebk. then I was like "itz a notebk." then he said "HEY... itz a VASACE notebook OK. itz BRANDED." so I replied "but u can't deny the fact itz still a notebook rite?" ok fine nvm. I dun have much erm "craving" for branded stuff. branded or not, itz still a notebk. hehz.

then the tang1 yuan2s were a bit erpz. dunno who cooked it. think it was my cousin. well the cook (whoever it was) put a hell lot of ginger into it. n I nearly choked to death cos the smell was too strong. n the soup was orange bcos there was too much ginger. eek. then the tang1 yuan2s no filling one. :(

but it was real nice to see my grandpa again. yay. then my 3 lovely cousins came down. as usual, their greetings were classic.
Aunt: mei2 you3 jiao4 ren2 ah? (ie. never greet ur elders ah?)
Royston: ah gong.
Marcus: ah gong.
Samuel: ah gong.
Aunt: san1 gu1 ma1 leh? (ie. 3rd aunt [my mom])
Royston: san gu ma.
Marcus: san gu ma.
Samuel: san gu ma.
then when they went home...
Aunt: oi where r ur manners?
Royston: byeeeee ah gong.
Marcus: byeeeee ah gong.
Samuel: byeeeee ah gong.
Aunt: OI. still got who else?
Royston: byebyeeeee san gu ma.
Marcus: byebyeeeeee san gu ma.
Samuel: byebyeeeee san gu ma.
All 3: byebye ninja!
ok erpz. ninja is my ah gong's maid. n she's called minda. not ninja. demmit.

demmit friendster died on me again. tmd. ok nvm. went to the temple yesterday. for some reason couldnt really concentrate on praying. but still felt more at peace when I left. once Christmas is over that means my ahem ahem's bdae is just arnd the corner. 1st jan. trying to think up of excuses not to go already. hope my dad doesnt scold me. cos every yr I use similar excuses. n most of the time they dun work. argh. but i really dun wanna go. so sian. go there n stone.

aniwae. gtg now. still got tons of work to do. merry christmas n happy new yr everyone. thx ruth n lydia for ur christmas greeting. loveya. :)

ok friendster is screwed up. either that or my com is. sh*t. finally got the brass quintet score. thx kelly. :) going to my grandpa's house soon. dong1 zhi4 today. yep. got tang1 yuan2s to eat. yum. eeks. argh there goes my diet. sucks.

trg yesterday was really very "work out". very long never felt so tired after warm ups n ti4 tui3s. I guess I went a bit nuts la. took the pace of class to a very high speed. cos the courts were wet. so we used half court instead of full. so I separated our very small class into 2 rows n made everyone do very fast? so not much time to rest so everyone just died. sh*t. then I screwed up chang2 quan2 completely. I finally realize y I can't do the first 2 movements. cos I started on the wrong leg. haish. all our other tao4 lu4s start with left leg. then this one start with right leg. then I will instinctively move my left leg first. hence it'll be wrong. n no one realized. wth.

watched International Varsity Debates repeat telecast yesterday. Hwang Chih Chung is my new idol. I crush him. He rocks. but pity Shih Hsin lost to Sun Yat-sen. 930 : 931. 1 pt really makes a diff. bleah. k shall disappear for another few days b4 I blog again. haha.

Feeling pretty happy now. even tho' I woke up at arnd 630 in the morning with a very bad stomachache. then finally I cannot tahan n went to sit in the toilet from 700 to 730. xie4 until I felt like all my intestines also come out liao. dem pain. den nearly threw up. actually come to think of it, I was already in pain in the middle of the night. the only reason why I din go to the toilet was bcos the pain was associated with the nitemare I was having. so I erm "dismissed" it in a sense. in the end the pain was so bad it woke me up completely. argh.

Me going to the zoo with my dad tmr!! yay. yes I'm going to see ah meng tmr. yuck. oh yar I must tell u the very loser thing my dad n I did 2 yrs ago (we go zoo biannually). We were quite tired after walking for so long la. then we stopped to rest at the orang utans enclosure. of cos, the below conv was carried out in chinese.
dad: which one do u think is ah meng?
me: erm. dunno leh. forgot how ah meng look like liao.
dad: just guess lor.
me: ah meng quite old rite. then must be one of the larger orang utans.
dad: y larger?
me: COS ORANG UTANS DUN SHRINK AS THEY GET OLDER.
dad: yar hor. but got so many big ones.
me: aiyo then choose the more wrinkled looking ones lor.
dad: then got 2 leh. choose one. i guess itz the one climbing the rope ladder.
me: then i guess the other one lor. *nods*
then guess wad. we suddenly heard this very loud voice, the zookeeper. yep. he was using the kind of portable mike la. the kind u can clip onto ur clothes. smth liddat. guess wad he said.
zookeeper: ladies n gentlemen! here comes ah meng!
me: omgosh! eh dad ah meng wasnt in the enclosure at all leh. *turns arnd n pts*

yes that was real loser. considering that we were talking pretty loudly. lalala. very happy. i still miss my kelly san. aww. NO I AM NOT LES. just that I'm looking forward to seeing kelly on sat. n having trg on sunday. yay we'r learning chang2 quan2 now. very fun. just that as usual I'm still a bit gong3 abt the tao4 lu4 at this stage. oh yar speaking of which, I did another loserfied thing last trg.
me: lao3 shi1 zhe4 shi4 chang2 quan2 san1 duan4 hai2 shi4 san1 lu4?
lao shi: san1 duan4 he2 san1 lu4 shi4 tong2 yang4 de4 dong1 xi1. san1 duan4 jiu4 shi4 san1 lu4.
omgosh I felt so erpz. eek. but itz real fun. yay. gd mood at last.

OMGOSH. Kelly thx so much. thank u thank u thank u. Kelly is so nice k. it turns out that her internet not going to be disabled until next yr. so she downloaded midinotate for me n she's going to print the score out!!!!! omgosh. thx kelly. u noe when I saw Kelly sign in I was so happy I nearly cried. Kelly wad could I have done without u? thx so much. ai4 ni3 yi2 bei4 zi3. xie4 xie4 zhen1 de4 hen3 xie4 xie4 ni3. hugs. ^_^

For some reason I just feel empty all over again. no not hungry that kind of empty. emotional voidness. listening to Miss Saigon now. trying to do my chem hw. Iron. wth.

I swore to myself b4 that I wun allow myself to come here again. I've been thru' it once... I dun want to go back there again... those times of darkness... there wasnt any light at all... I tried so hard b4 I finally found the end of the seemingly never ending tunnel... I dun want to go back there again...

It took me so long b4 I could actually control my emotions n "settle down" in that sense. now I seem to be going "wild" all over again. y? does it really mean so much to me? wei4 shen3 me4 ni3 na4 me4 bu4 shou3 xin4 yong4? wei4 shen3 me4 yao4 yi1 er2 zai4, zai4 er2 san1 de4 pian4 wo3? wei4 shen3 me4 ni3 shuo1 hua4 bu4 suan4 hua4?

Why do u have to destroy my excitment n extinguish my flame of hope? n y am I so much affected by u? y do I trust pple so easily? y do pple betray my trust? maybe I shld learn to stop trusting... no one deserves it anyway... no one cares... yes I'm being very bei1 guan1 here. let me be. shut up n go away. I dun need anyone's help. not that anyone is going to offer any.