Went TeoHeng with Aly, Jiahui and Jingyi yest aft lunch with Aly, Tingxi and Ivan. Even tho' I said I didn't want to go for k. but. it was the BEST ktv session I've had in a very long time. Aly was right: itz not so much abt the facilities, but the company. All the quick wit and good humour that Miss Tay thinks I'm endowned with is only possible when the gang is around, or rather, when I'm with them.
When members of FUSSA tell me "我了解" (if they even bother to), I'm hardly ever convinced. but when the gang just nods, sighs, smiles or starts gesturing wildly and enthusiastically, I know they know. I know we're on the same frequency, that we can truly feel each others' problems. I feel "me" when I'm with them.
n I'm worried about Jiahui. even when we were half drowning in all the shit back in JC, there was still a spark of rebellion in here eyes. She could say "I'm going to take over the world so fuck off you stupid humans" and I would believe her. but now... yesterday, that flame seems to have gone out... and I can't help feeling that itz bcos I'm not with her, hardly with her... as 臭屁as that might sound, as if I'm that impt a person to her. but in reality, I feel rather lonely at times without Jiahui. Life was shit in JC but it was ok bcos Jiahui was there. and of cos Jingyi, Aly, Ivan, Tingxi, Kk, Yee May, Bh were all there. In Shanghai, I'm left more alone to just my thoughts, that get so heavy, even if they were gd ones, funny ones... simply bcos I don't have anyone to share them with. n I don't want just any 'ol shit person. I want the gang. I need them... more than they need me, more than I'll like to admit.
n Olympics lost its appeal once 刘翔pulled out due to injury. Poor boy... 可怜的孩子。
"I just want to be happy." thatz what Jiahui wrote.
I just want... to live...
Next Friday, it'll be back to life without the gang, without access to their blogs, their lives, everything. As much as I don't want that sort of life, I don't want one where pple turn up and try to replace them. "I rather be all alone... anywhere on my own..."
cos "company" and "people" are vulgar words when itz not the gang.
