Back after a year.

And itz all over. attachment is over, DPPS is over, meaning I'm free to do what I want in the next 2 years.. then itz 5 years of wait before the next round of freedom comes along.

This space. since 2003/4. been the place of rants and losing of tempers. harsh words. malicious thoughts. English. but I still like to keep this, no matter how inactive it is. many a time I wanted to blog in English or just grumble till the end of time, but never got down to doing it. just wanted to keep the Chinese blog Chinese and reserve it for writings, not rants. and maybe venting frustrations on a virtual space is just too easy a way out, wanted to learn how to control my temper, instead of just taking it out on something (or worse, someone).

Still traumatised over the MRT ride yesterday. thatz why I said itz not a good thing to be short. imagine being trapped in a MRT cabin, filled with people, all taller than you, itz jammed packed, everyone is stuck onto everyone else (literally) and the train has stopped in b/w stations. not a pretty sight. and definitely not a good situation to be in. there's just not enough air to go around. and a concoction of people's breaths, odours (doesn't even have to be BO), carbon dioxide, warm stale air with just a hint of oxygen is certainly NOT appealing to the lungs.

I finally understand why pple see a lack of need to go to China. why spend so much money when you can experience it right at home? Despite the reluctance to associate overcrowded trains (and everywhere else) with Singapore, but if not for the long queues of people trailing like earthworms under the sun, I would be inclined to feel that I was still in Shanghai. worse than peasant trains.

On the way to Weixuan's house the other day, suddenly felt very lost and afraid on the train alone. ironic. in my own country. I've never felt lost in Shanghai before. then again, maybe it was the map that saved me. but one thing I realized about Singapore, no need to have too good a memory, esp when it comes to roads and buildings. why, it most probably will be gone in a couple of years. so whatz the point of remembering?

To me, Shanghai is a ever-changing place, at least for the shops and restaurants around school. So is Singapore? but I can never accept or forgive the speed of change at home. like hello? is this is place I grew up? how can I call this home when I don't even know how to get around anymore? how can I call this home when I feel like I'm still in China? how can I call this home when I don't feel home?

I don't deny, I miss Shanghai alot. particularly when there are gg to be 3 great Peking Opera perfs coming up and I'm not gg to be there.